This is new to me again, blogging. I don’t remember the last time I blogged, but it was roughly around this time last year I think. What’s funny is that I went into it thinking it would help; it would be a release for my pain and depression. Of course, like most things that usually happen to me, it turned out completely differently.
It was supposed to make me feel better. My friends got tired of listening to the same stories about he did this to me and he said this to me and wah wah waaah and so on and so forth. No one wanted to listen anymore, and that’s what I thought I needed at the time. So, I turned to blogging and spewing my pain all over the internet as if THEY wanted to know all about my stupid life. Of course that was also incredibly wrong and I got quite a big wake up call.
There I was typing away thinking I was doing the right thing when I was doing the complete opposite – tearing myself apart, keeping the hurt fresh in my mind at all times as I hungered to write, making that poor sod of a stupid bastard man look even worse than he already is.... AND on top of all that, embarrassing myself for all who stumbles upon this blog to see! I suppose though at the time I was too selfishly caught up in myself that I didn’t even care what everyone else thought of me and the drivel I had to say.
Until one day I realised hey, this isn’t working out for me the way I thought it would, and I’ve taken this too far! Yes, it was hard, and it was painful, I made sacrifices for things that are not even in this blog. But there are worse things that could happen than a stupid little girl’s heart being broken by a stupid little boy who wanted to play around first – with her, and many other girls. This is it. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN.
And so I took some time out for myself. I made changes in my life like for one leaving this blog alone. I needed to heal completely or at least as much as I could before I started it up again. I quit varsity and got myself a job. And that’s what happened! And now I feel ok about writing my thoughts again because sure they might be boring to some, but it certainly doesn’t make people want to die in a do-it-yourself kind of way, and it doesn’t embarrass myself anymore either! It’s just normal day to day stuff about me and my life and the people around me and my colleagues and my friends and my twitter and my job and what not and so on and so forth.
AND YES! I said job! Like a real life job that big responsible ADULTS have so they can do cool things like Earn Money and Pay Rent and Have Clients and Make Lists. Excuse my excitement and pride but I am SO proud that not only I managed to get a job, but I’ve managed to keep it for almost 11 months. That’s a big deal to me ok.
You will find out more of that excitement in my life soon enough.
Yes. I am still single. If anything I have even less friends left and virtually no family to seriously count on.... But I feel more okay than I have by a long shot compared to how I felt last year. Which is awesome. Sure I have new stresses and worries that are different from last years’. But it’s okay. The number of years I have matured astounds me.
And yes I am proud. Of myself. For getting up when I was on my ass at rock bottom. I got up and I carried on and I stopped wasting time.... I got myself going again doing something constructive. Something that makes me feel a part of something that’s bigger than me. Like I’m doing something for me as well as someone else and I am doing it WELL.
Sure. I am still single, and sometimes that gets me down. Sometimes my Best Friend has to remind me exactly what I deserve, and that one day I will get it. But not right now. And that’s okay. Because for once my life does not revolve being good enough for someone else, but being good enough for me.
So is that not great for me, huh?? Look at me being all okay and grown up and happy and shit.
Fuck you pessimists who say I can’t do it. Just you watch me overcome. Because nothing is stopping me and Because. I. Fucking. Can.
